Saturday, June 4, 2011

that night


"Stalagmites and stalactites are the only things left in this place.
Some dripping cause I am losing memory and others cause this memory is going places I never went."

Groggily the old lady returned back to what she had been doing since ages.
Settled in her tutelage of broken chair near the creaking window sill she again poured back,on the memories that had been her only will.
Every day after getting up,which din't mean waking,running errands,bathing,having breakfast and settling to read a paper.It simply meant that she opened her eyes,eyes which could scarcely see but still her only hope.
She knew that once she opens eyes it wont be dusk but she knew for the coming 4 hours she couldn't sleep anyway.
So she waited with her eyes open nowadays reminiscing her days of glory, of beauty.
Of times when she was the one looked at,looked upon.
When she knew that boys from the end of the walkway would just pass her only to have a look at the peeking naval from the flowing sari.And she stood as if unaware just watering the plants.
Of ladies who would spew venom at even the mention of her name cause she always stood apart even in the most simple attires.
Of heaven in the arms of the salesperson she met once,of glittering nights with her husband's friend,of flowing hemlines with the school teacher.
And of what not.
She had not been the ordinary,nor the normal.
A friend of her once told her that she was born before her time.
She had been a student of history.And she always believed that she had been born years after her time.
Infact she felt that her pleasures could not be satiated by people of ranks,of fame,of power.
She only yearned for freedom.
She believed that the prowess in bed could only be determined by the feelings in head.
Not that she yearned to look for academicians or intellectuals but for men with spine.
For men who believed that there was one will and which was theirs.
She had inanimate conversations with a self of which she felt herself being a part.
A body with this self she just kept searching but only got parts of in different people.
It wasn't easy to woo her.Infact if even somebody thought of wooing her she would never look back leave alone being wooed.
She was a women with a world of her own.
And the man she set her eyes on shouldn't be someone whom others cherished.
Nor should he have cared.
Till she met him.
A cynic at thoughts,a magician at actions.
She could never unravel him.
At times the most serious looking person but the one who always came up with the best jokes.
Jokes where you cried while laughing but at a second thought seemed as the most profound thinking ever done.

"Her hate and her love never mingled but for him she could herself not think nor single."

He was the most erratic disposition she ever had.
Even before being laid she had sequenced the coherent rhythm a 1000 times in her head.
She actually knew the breaths and the timing of the shudders she would feel as she knew most of the time.

But this time things were different.
He was different.

She felt that a thousand nights and a million omens too were small for that night.

That was one day and today another one.

She is still looking at the ceiling.When the maid walks in.
When the sun comes out and another day sets in.

And still now till now she can feel him,that night makes her life luminous till now.


A night where she felt him not beside her but in her.





this weeks 3WW words-erratic, luminous and omen.


~Harsha

Monday, April 18, 2011

Know me



I have been through this experience and will be subjected to all this again.
And this happens to me all the time.
I come but I wait,wait till it is right,right to strike again as always,
Right time to let others think that they are the only ones,ones in the territory.

Till then I smell and I think,I weigh,I plan,I visualise,I create,I cleanse,I group,I divide till I don’t yearn for any more.

And then I let the wheels in motion,delicate gears which were comforting each other earlier start moving each one all in the illusion that they are supporting others but unknowingly all working for ME.
The movement catches such a resonant upbringing that they forget the wears and tears that they are getting subjected to,melting whatever they had.

And I smile as they smirk.

Dangling the dagger high on them and that too for so long that they don’t even remember that I was the one who started plotting against them in the first place.
And slowly trust shatters between them,I still watch.
Cause I know this is what would ultimately paralyse them.
It wont be a head shot from me but the plain nail biting between each of them which would eventually poison the air inside their lungs.The consistent kneading done by their minds to them.
Suffocation by not breathing out so that they don’t have to share even their outgoing breath.
Or with some others who in their own greed of mistrust would pull all the air inside them just to have everything.
Till the jammed heart and burst lungs would move no more.

I did nothing,I moved not a single bit,I tore not a single ligament.It were you only.
Between I am jealousy. 
~Harsha

I striketh back


Has this been a dream come true or a trance lurking over the ghouls.
I must would and should agree with the former.
Cause I know how much I had yearned for this,this being my MBA,my college,my hostel,my room.
I had been feeling low since long imagining colleges,just trying to be there but never ever being able to.

I sometimes ask myself - How big is a dream?

It is just that big to the point till which you chase it.
And believe me the more you chase it the bigger it becomes and the bigger it becomes the better it feels in the end.
Atleast I have felt so.
Right now I am walking the hallowed corridors of great lakes for real.I am sitting upright in my room’s wonderful chair.
The infrastructure is awesome,as good as I have never seen it in any other educational institutions so far.
But believe me even if the infrastructure had been shit I still would have been happier the same.
Cause I know that in the end I haven’t disappointed myself,Cause I took what’s mine.
I know how it feels when it takes you 5 consecutive years chasing the same stupid dream,
stupid cause only stupid things have the will and perseveration to doggedly chase.

Cause once sanity prevails,pragmatism kicks in we tend to act like adults.
And an adult wont try and cant try.
Adults tend to believe in things being obvious.
There is no red riding hood mating with a big bad wolf in an adults story.
It is just that being kids lets us see the hidden werewolves.

I know the ride wont be easy,things at stake are not small,dreams once seen have not drifted away.
I also know that its actually not about an MBA but about me.And it would always be about me.

As of now today is my virgin day in great lakes,I have not went out.
Today I have just spent the day with myself in the college,feeling it.
Sat in the amphitheater ,roamed around all the wings,met some in between but yes for once the victory would be savoured.
If I see back, in years today is the day when I am actually gluttonusly filling my craving of solitude.

And as the great philosopher MacD says-“I am loving it.”
I couldn't agree more:)

~Harsha
Spartan,G3N

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Me,myself


Put the glasses aside.
When I would die I want to die plain,properly aware of the weaknesses I have,physical and mental.
My soul is shameless and I want my body to be the same.

Still I dont feel something right.
Are you sure we should carry this on.It doesn't look dainty enough.

Were you sure to carry your stupidest feelings with you.Were you sure to care for your dream when everything was against you.
And year on year you were ready to face that haunting shame again knowing that you might lose again.

Might is a big word.

But the end never set you free.You had failed and would fail again.I would halp you be free again.I would make sure that nobody can jeer you,make fun of you.
Cause you won't br there then.

Umm.Sounds somewhat OK.But tell me do you really think that once I am dead people would really be concerned to be happy or sad or laugh at me,for me,on me.

Thats what O fallen insane,Nobody would laugh at you.They would just be left with a tantalizing sense of you but NO YOU.

And yes nobody would even think of me.And leave others what would I accomplish if I myself am not present.What would I do with a soul with respect.I prefer a body even if there is all disguist.
Meandering hopes,absymal falls but still there would be moment.

Well............

Yes.Even though you try to coax me,persuade me,count the innumerable years for me every year,I know one thing,atleast there is a direction every year,to do things,to understand fears,to put at rest many tears,atleast I know I have a life.So you,yes you,you better get lost.

Hey,Wait for me.Am also coming....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This week's 3WW words are dainty, haunting and tantalize

~Harsha

Thursday, March 3, 2011

riveting hopes

How much more affinity can I have
with  a truth that even I find hard to stare
I keep on fidgeting as my hopes fly riveting
with every news I find  a mention
Once a rumor now a lost hope
But now some more pain can only subside this tension...
---------------------------------------------------------------------
As affinity bowls me happiness makes me lie
after all this is the reason that I would try
Fidgeting body jittery mind
deep down I know I can still be kind
Father to a radical mind son to a scrambled heart
Onlooker to a fallacy
or the supreme holder of a rotten legacy
All I can mention is that
she should have been a not been
Cause that only would have been
My meanest of means...
---------------------------------------------------------------------
And as I yearn for an affinity that has created  pain
a stench,a killer feels years after his moments of mention
Rebellious disgust,drastic measures messed up
For happiness which went only dressed up

I was the only one at the funeral
A funeral  happy for this death
Cause it was just me and the funeral
Me dead and the funeral happy
 for me being dead
---------------------------------------------------------------------

just wanted to see how these 3 words address my thoughts in different directions.
Want to know how others go after their thoughts while writing poems.
The words at 3WW this week are affinity,fidget and mention

~Harsha 

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

tiranga

Anybody with 3 colors and a circle
can't be me
Anybody who just wants to hoist me 
can't be me
I am not the money in a CWG scam
neither am I the rising onion price
I am not the one who wants to be unfurled in a reactive state
nor am I the spirit of the various terrorist attacks
I am not the building scam for politicians
Neither am I the Bofor's deal still fought in courts
How dare you to call me the bone of a 2G scam
How dare you to associate me with a state division's 
I don't belong to Mumbai attacks
I never was a part of the Godhra riots


What am I 
a conniptipon or a soul gone astray
Please,Don't take my name for a blame
that I never did
My colors don't justify religion
My spokes don't symbolise corruption
I don't have the glutton for boundaries

This year I am 61 
I am born again and dead at the same time
No,I am not dead but you try to maime me
kill me
every year
Not by snubbing me
but by hoisting me
year over year
shamelessly,seamlessly
By making me symbolise a country
which shows no sign of reform,remorse
But whose integrity itself has gone janky
I know that this day has come again
A day for me
Let me live from this year
With dignity,with respect
Promise me just once
Atleast for this year
Promise me
That when you unfurl me
You would take steps 
to scooch 
over the sad past
to eradicate,to end 
what has been there always
Just for once
No matter how small it is
but you would try
And then I would say
that any 3 colors and a circle
show me
Show that 
I am the tricolor


This week's words at 3WW being:

conniption; noun: a bad tantrum. One has a conniption or conniption fit.
janky; adjective: broken or functioning poorly or improperly; messed up.
scooch; verb: to move over, or to scoo
t.


I thought to write a story first but then today is India's Republic Day so thought to jot what India as an individual would be feeling as the voice of youth as me.
Image Courtsey:One of my friends-Prashant Mishra had painted our Indian flag's sorry state once.Hope we improve it.

~Harsha

Thursday, January 20, 2011

the kill

beneath 
the surreality
the banter
the hogged lights 
the omnipresence


beneath
the twitched elbows
the gnawed nails
the blood puddles


beneath them all
was the success 
that could have come 
happily holistically
but now neither did any one notice
nor did any one care to acknowledge
the fact


that his move was not deliberate
neither amateur
the kill amassed once was still known
but his descent had started
not now
but back's back
like a track's crack
small at the start 
but deep as it greys


he still kills his kill
everyday
just in the hope 
that people would appreciate
just in the hope 
that applause will be his


what he has failed to appreciate
till now
is that he just needs to satiate himself
and not even one morose critic
not another country man
neither any of his family


then only his kill would be his.


The words at 3WW being descent, kill, surreal


~Harsha

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