Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I want to kill my daughter

Don’t call it a deceit
No please no
Don’t call it a deceit
Call it my helplessness
Call it my fear
Call it my cowardice
But dear
Don’t call it a deceit

I too have shed tears
I too have undergone fears
I know darling what happens when pain sears
I know darling when hope tears

I too am the way like you WOULD be
I too am the way like you COULD be

Born to a household of six girls already
With one baby brother known as the king ready

Cursed I was,hit I was
even when
I neither knew the pain nor disdain
Bruised I was,pained I was
even then
I had to live with the scars within

Two square meals with burned bread and watery gravy
Seemed to me as my so called magnamimous luxury
Yes,to indulge in a play,Was a month of spanking
To indulge in brother’s toys,Was the whole family’s cursing
I too learned my way to live life happy
to keep my mouth shut and eat what was crappy
Brothers touched me,uncles molested me
Grandma hated me,aunts despised me
To indulge in me was everyone's desire
But what happened to me was not at all dire

Darling I was married for loads of heavy dowry
Darling I was married for your father's whole family
I dont know whom to call your father
Is it my husband or his so called father

And now I am told you are about to come
And now I am told my fairy will breath in scum

But my princess there is an oath I have
Oath to love and oath to live
Oath to save my fairy from the same

I thought so hard to run from here
I tried so hard to take you there
Where you would be a princess
and eat whole food
Where you would be a princess
and play good games
But darling I was caught and beat to death
But darling even then I fought with all my strength

But dear I am sorry
I couldn't keep my oath
But oath I would keep
To save you from their keep
Princess you have to go
But dont be afraid
I will save you from a life.....for a better life
I will take your give you a better life

You know am crying
You know I am sorry
But yes I am happy
Don’t call it a deceit
No please no
Don’t call it a deceit

This weeks 3ww being-Deceit,Indulge,Oath

And also in response to a wonderful photo on



  1. "I will take your give you a better life"

    My God, such expression!!
    Bravo Harsha bravo!!

    Very beautiful portrayal of the mother's agony.. The complete piece - a masterpiece..

    But those scoundrels will never understand, they would keep on killing the poor little angel...

    AS a matter of chance,in my poem too i had a mention of this bad bad practice..

  2. For whatsover excuse, reasons or anything you call it, no one has any right to take away a girl's life. No matter what.

    What else to call it but deceit?

    gyrating on its own steam of oath

  3. This is a complex look into a situation that Westerners don't have a clue about. Thanks for sharing.

  4. This was a hard struggle, of weakness and strenght.

  5. My heart goes out to all concerned. This must be difficult to write, wherever your standing.

  6. sometimes you have to cut a life short to grow another any of julia cameron's stuff; she is always killing past to make way for future.

  7. oh my! this has me in chills!

  8. Oh wow, that actually brought tears to my eyes. Superb. Bravo.

  9. I've said this somewhere else tonight. These words Thom offered have touched a raw nerve. This is very evocative and poignant poetry. Well done.

  10. @Sudharm
    Thanx Sudharm.Actually it pained me to write this.But,it was somewhere true also.And here the killing is to save someone.

    I must say that I agree 200 prcnt wid you.
    Coz I too wud never ever justify a killing and it is but DECEIT.But as a matter of chance I just wanted to capture the agony of a lady whom life has smacked and osculated so hard that she is even afraid of life.
    Just my try at presenting the other side.

    @Thom G
    Yes Thommy.But this is something that still happens in some parts of our country.
    I just wanted to bare this truth stark naked.
    Female foeticide,infanticide are the vices that people resort to just to save a dowry a family and what not.
    THIS actually z a deceit.
    Thanx d wonderful words.

    Yes dear a struggle real hard.
    But in the mind of my minds,for a change I actually wanted the strenghth to win.

    It was actually very difficult to write.
    Not because of any poetic constraints but because of the grief that I had to capture,because of the pain that I had to picture.
    And for this 1st of all I had to imagine all this,I re read my mind about the incidents I had ever read and hence....

    Yes Pia.After sometime sadness was paled by reality.
    A reality so VIVId that would even make sad feel SAD

    Wonderful name I must say.
    Julia Cameron.Hmmm.Sounds interesting.
    Thanks for sharing.

    :D Chillls.Yup.Me 2 felt d same when I thought bout.

    Thanx a ton dear.Thats actually a sad state of affairs.The plight of women still at some remotest places in India.

    Yes Michael.I too agree that these words have actually touched a deep chord.
    Evocative and poignant poetry.
    Man I am so small for these words of yours.
    Thanx again:D

    Thanx to all for coming thru and sharing your views

  11. Very powerful and sad piece. I hate even thinking of things like this happening. So sad.

  12. @Angel
    Thanx Angel.
    I know its sad.But still at sum places it is true

  13. you painted a harsh but true to life tale, sad and full of provocative yearnings, perhaps a long apology for giving and taking life

  14. @lissa
    yes,lissa apology is something that you have rightly said.

  15. Interesting and evocative. A good reminder for those of us born luckier.

  16. @Ann
    Truly said.
    Sometimes it feels sad that just a person is less educated,less rich,less happy,less intellectual only bcoz he is born at a lesser conditioned place.

  17. Tragically beautiful. American slaves killed their children. We don't have to justify or judge. I didn't read this as justifying the act. Poignant piece.

  18. I dont Know Why Men Forget that their existence is due to a Women...
    The first Divine touch to him is by a Women...
    He is able to do his work without worrying for Household because of women...
    Death of a Women eventually is DEATH of MANKIND.

  19. gr8 piece of work...keep it up buddy :)

  20. This did indeed frighten me...a childs life is it's to live. Some survive and some don't. But at least they must be given a chance.


    Well written, above all, well written.

  21. @Susan
    Thanks Susan.Beauty and that too a tragic beauty,poles apart yet grave in the meaning.
    Thanx again

    Death of a Women eventually is DEATH of MANKIND.
    Rightly said Akky.And still society doesn't understand

    Thanku hai gi.
    Apne kaha hai to kuch had to hoga hi ji;)

    I completely agree wid you b.
    And wat I have written is not wat I prophesise.
    I have just tried to enact the agony of a woman who has herself been slumped low and ostracized by the society.And somwhere deep down just tries to name her act.
    Although any alibi can never be an answer to killing.
    Thanx dear

  22. This is a heart rendering piece. I cried as I was reading it, as it hurts my heart because it's so very real in our so called civilized world.

    I beg to differ with ThomG comment .. "This is a complex look into a situation that Westerners don't have a clue about.I very well know this place, maybe it's due to my skin color and where I was raised, in the deep South, where there are still slaves. Little black girls suffering from female circumcision, (genital mutilation), and no one cares or even raise their eyebrows. Yes, I know this pain -- and it's a shame. All over the world women suffers with such disempowerment; we are treated worst than animals, used as sex objects, and to procreate. Men wanting boys, most raise to abuse their mothers, daughters, sisters, etc. and I could go ...

    But I would never take my daughter's life -- I could never do such a thing, I would rather kill the ones that's abusing her, and take my chances.

  23. @Amias
    Amias,I dont know actually what to say.
    I have just heard about all this,and even hearing this was so sad,I know how tough it was for me to actually put it in words.
    We generally being in a safer side of the world dont know the gory details,the tragic squeals,the writhing pain of the poor foetus in the womb crying,shouting,twirling just to see the light of the day...
    And if it somehow manages to do so then world is hell bent to make her think again and again that-why she saw the light of the world???

    Amias I can just bow down to you,after the experience that you have undergone,and still stand tall.

    Writing this piece,I never wanted to encourage female foeticide even to the slightest extent,but I very much wanted to elucidate the pain that a lady undergoes,just because she is a lady....

    Thanx Amias

  24. brilliant, chilling. it hurts to read, but it is important pain to feel. - Meg

  25. @blisshappens
    Thanks Meg.Its an important pain to feel.
    Truly said

  26. hey u write well though bit difficult to understand :) n especially this is too good...all emotions coming out in form of words...great going Harsha...would like to read more...

  27. awesome, i can relate wid it. good work!

  28. hey harsha! plz tell me how u got ur work copywrited i wanna do da same. plz tell me as soon as possible.

  29. @Usha
    Thanx Usha for taking time to go through by this.
    Would love to see more of you.

    Thanx Sarah.
    Copyright issues.Hmm.I will follow up wid it on your blog

  30. First of all I thank you, Harsha, for reminding me about the post and of the inspiration behind it. Else I'd have missed it.

    Coming to the poem you have crafted, I must say you had kept a nearly impossible target as your writing objective--you just wanted to make it rhyme well at the same time express the profound idea you chose theme-wise. And I must say that you have succeeded in both. The poem evokes feelings one would like to express but only poetically. The long list of readers' comment only shows that.

    Sometimes I thought it was a long poem, nay it was my impression in my first reading. But that was not so. In my second reading, I was ashamed to discover many ideas I'd only skipped.

    It's end-rhyming scheme should remain, but I'd like it to flow smoothly with end-rhyming. I've only one place where I thought it needs a retouch: "so-called magnanimous luxury".

    Your poem is not only evocative. It is scathing, too, in its effect. I've this stanza to quote:

    Darling I was married for loads of heavy dowry
    Darling I was married for your father's whole family
    I dont know whom to call your father
    Is it my husband or his so called father"

    Harsha, I must say, you're very much with your muse. Keep her in good humour.


  31. @Mr Nanda

    Those 4 lines of Zishan kept pestering me long till I finally gave in.
    It was an arduous battle with myself whether to pursue this subject or to leave it like a hushed thinking.
    But 3WW and EPTAS again called me for the same and hence this poem.

    Yes,it was indeed an act to keep the poetic harmony entwined with the theme.
    At times I thought I just lost both and most of the lines here seemed to poetically ditch me but after certain re reads I was satisfied with them.
    Now looking back at the line you quoted I must say that there is a loose end(infact many).
    But I just wanted to keep the differential effect hence the word "magnanimous".
    Thanks Mr Nanda for taking time for the same and for your insightful read.Thanks again.


  32. Ah that was very sad...
    Well i dont think taking away her life was needed....could work it out in a better way.

  33. @songofsea
    Well dear,i agree with you.
    But the whole point was in seeing through the other side,the side that we never try to see,never want to see.


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  35. Oh my! Harsha. I could feel the pain, the frustration. You have captured it so very well.

    Loved reading the poem.

  36. Kudos! for bringing out this shameful, or rather shameless truth in this beautiful heart rending poem. Kudos. This should be taken by "save the girl child" organisations. This will work wonders to eliminate this gruesome reality, so widely spread in our society even in the so-called elite masses. Great Work-Pinni


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