riveting hopes

How much more affinity can I have
with  a truth that even I find hard to stare
I keep on fidgeting as my hopes fly riveting
with every news I find  a mention
Once a rumor now a lost hope
But now some more pain can only subside this tension...
---------------------------------------------------------------------
As affinity bowls me happiness makes me lie
after all this is the reason that I would try
Fidgeting body jittery mind
deep down I know I can still be kind
Father to a radical mind son to a scrambled heart
Onlooker to a fallacy
or the supreme holder of a rotten legacy
All I can mention is that
she should have been a not been
Cause that only would have been
My meanest of means...
---------------------------------------------------------------------
And as I yearn for an affinity that has created  pain
a stench,a killer feels years after his moments of mention
Rebellious disgust,drastic measures messed up
For happiness which went only dressed up

I was the only one at the funeral
A funeral  happy for this death
Cause it was just me and the funeral
Me dead and the funeral happy
 for me being dead
---------------------------------------------------------------------

just wanted to see how these 3 words address my thoughts in different directions.
Want to know how others go after their thoughts while writing poems.
The words at 3WW this week are affinity,fidget and mention

~Harsha 

tiranga

Anybody with 3 colors and a circle

can't be me

Anybody who just wants to hoist me 

can't be me

I am not the money in a CWG scam

neither am I the rising onion price

I am not the one who wants to be unfurled in a reactive state

nor am I the spirit of the various terrorist attacks

I am not the building scam for politicians

Neither am I the Bofor's deal still fought in courts

How dare you to call me the bone of a 2G scam

How dare you to associate me with a state division's 

I don't belong to Mumbai attacks

I never was a part of the Godhra riots

What am I 

a conniptipon or a soul gone astray

Please,Don't take my name for a blame

that I never did

My colors don't justify religion

My spokes don't symbolise corruption

I don't have the glutton for boundaries

This year I am 61 

I am born again and dead at the same time

No,I am not dead but you try to maime me

kill me

every year

Not by snubbing me

but by hoisting me

year over year

shamelessly,seamlessly

By making me symbolise a country

which shows no sign of reform,remorse

But whose integrity itself has gone janky

I know that this day has come again

A day for me

Let me live from this year

With dignity,with respect

Promise me just once

Atleast for this year

Promise me

That when you unfurl me

You would take steps 

to scooch 

over the sad past

to eradicate,to end 

what has been there always

Just for once

No matter how small it is

but you would try

And then I would say

that any 3 colors and a circle

show me

Show that 

I am the tricolor

This week's words at 3WW being:

conniption; noun: a bad tantrum. One has a conniption or conniption fit.
janky; adjective: broken or functioning poorly or improperly; messed up.
scooch; verb: to move over, or to scoot.

I thought to write a story first but then today is India's Republic Day so thought to jot what India as an individual would be feeling as the voice of youth as me.

Image Courtsey:One of my friends-Prashant Mishra had painted our Indian flag's sorry state once.Hope we improve it.

~Harsha

the kill

beneath 
the surreality
the banter
the hogged lights 
the omnipresence


beneath
the twitched elbows
the gnawed nails
the blood puddles


beneath them all
was the success 
that could have come 
happily holistically
but now neither did any one notice
nor did any one care to acknowledge
the fact


that his move was not deliberate
neither amateur
the kill amassed once was still known
but his descent had started
not now
but back's back
like a track's crack
small at the start 
but deep as it greys


he still kills his kill
everyday
just in the hope 
that people would appreciate
just in the hope 
that applause will be his


what he has failed to appreciate
till now
is that he just needs to satiate himself
and not even one morose critic
not another country man
neither any of his family


then only his kill would be his.


The words at 3WW being descent, kill, surreal


~Harsha

A hollow body

Don't make me feel offended.
Said he looking straight into his stark naked being in the mirror.
Days have passed and I have lost my demure,he thought.
He thought of the days when people would envy him of his gaunt body, of the flawless structure.
But a major accident had left most of his lower chin disfigured.
This combined with a powerful malignant liver disease had killed his appetite and love for food.
And finally the loss of his wife had left whatever desire he had for life.
Today while coming back from the graveyard the empty house and his hollow body were his only belongings.
A shining blade in all its glaze was looking at him.
Smiling as if hungry for his blood,for his life.
It was just ready to cut his veins with a slash of his fist,to put to silence the last jargon of a body that clinkered heavily with the drops of water seeping from the tap.
With high hopes and crumpled beliefs,he was ready to end the pain,pain of living.
The blade glistened in his hands,at the tip of a murderer who was a saint at the same time.
A last slash waited and just then over the shelf shone the lone hairclip of his wife.
And for the last moments before death he saw her,felt her and thought of every single moment they ever had.
And remembered the belief she had in him,in his disfigured face in his shrivelled appetite,in her volatile life.
That was the moment when the blade fell down and the spark to live returned back.
His eyes now glistned back for their love they shared.
Then he felt that killing himself now would mean killing all the wonderful memories he ever had of his loving wife.It would mean ending all the moments where he can still feel happy cause he had a wonderful life once.
The naked body was not naked anymore.the disfigured face was beautiful now cause it had the beautiful lines that had aged with his love for her.
Suddenly he headed to the kitchen to subside his craving for a wholesome dinner.

~Harsha

the truth

His usually gentle praise was so vulgar this time that she was actually happy of the monotony being broken of the fake appreciations.
Infact now of all the times,she loved him the most.


~Harsha

drought

My land so fallow

my heart so hollow

every year I look up

to find clouds,

come which never would

and then I turn around

to see

seeds I sowed

weeds I mowed

mouths I created

hopes I shattered

I have reached my limit

with the end of my wit

I have killed my desire

pushing my life to prespire

But not a tinge of green

not a drop of growth

not a drop of water

not a hope of life

Cant see the pain

my only bequeath

Cant feed my family

my only owning fully

I plan to die

to kill the rent

Before that,

I plan to cry

my one last try

So,I stretch my vocals

to curse the gods

But words too now

have just gone fallow

My land so fallow

my heart so hollow

-------------------------------------

A sad state of a farmer,who even after putting all his efforts can only plan the way of his death.

He is still thinking,better to die before the natural death,considering a suicide,being free from the landlord's rents,misery.Plotting to die so that he would not have to see himself and his family dying every single day because of the lack of food and life.Or rather waiting a little more to reach his natural death slowly

 while death eats him.

------------------------------------

Sadly,still a large part of Indian farming is at the mercy of the eccentric erratic rains.

Written for 3ww-Fallow,limit,vocal

Image source

I am sorry my baby

A baby shrouded in a cloth

was a body cold in growth

life unhinged happiness dark

A void so big 

could I fill it with

anything that wasnt filth

Stuck in a jaunt

A macabre of emotions

Played havoc

while I buried you

your body inches deep

How would I sleep not to find you in the morn

I wake with a daze with the LUSTER in your voice

You fade in a haze like amber in the blaze

I never knew 

death could be so strong 

I never thought 

a THREAT could go so wrong

There is only one truth and that's you are not near 

There is only one truth and that's you will never be here

The toys that I bought I have thrown them all

The cloths that I bought I have burnt them all

Time will move and grow you will

grow you will but not in your grave

but deep,deep down in my mind 

I would see you play

see you sing and see you fight

I am searching for your GLARE

from deep down there

At least just stare

for my miniscule lack of care

But all I see 

is a beautiful smile

all I see 

is something that can now never be here

--------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes we see things so sad so melancholy we wish that this would never have happened.

A few days back I came across the unfortunate demise of a baby hardly 4 months old.

~Harsha

Be my enemy

A rupture in trust can be mended
but a FRACTURE in deceit can never be

Saying a sorry wins back your friends
But even dying can't bring your enemies back

Dont think much before hurting a friend
But think a lot before befriending an enemy

Friends who VANISH once would knock again at their need
But an enemy lost would just be a NOISE

NOISE to deaf ears......

Written for 3ww-FRACTURE,NOISE,VANISH


~Harsha

The day I lost my joB

The day I lost my joB.
Feels as if it might sound sad,complex.
But the day it happened I felt as any other day cause it was something that not only me but my other 9999 colleauges had been anticipating.And I thought I wont feel bad as this happened not because I had screwed something up horribly but it was because my company's CEO had SCREWED everything.
"We all were but lambs in the flock,pebbles in the water heavy enough to have an identity but not heavy enough to stop being pushed by the river."
Somehow the initial phase got through.
Facing family,facing loved ones.facing neighbours,then the shopkeepers,then the distant relatives,the barber,the tea wallah,the landlord,the curious onlooker and finally facing myself.
But then somewhere its the toughest.
Knowing when you are all good but being in the few who got laid Off or rather FIRED.
I knew I would never feel bad or sad or torn or broken cause I knew it never was my fault.
But then the GLOOM came.It writhed,cried,shouted spread its shroud and came for me.It stuck my love first and then my friends and all those who were in this layoff wonderfully called as sabbatical.
I knew one day this would happen.One day all my loved ones,those who cared for me would be in shambles because of this situation.
But I knew I would fight all cause I had no choice of sitting and crying.There is this wonderful crux in life.You come out at your best after a head on collision.Sounds absurd but thats it.
I knew one thing that if there is anyone who would KNEEL,it would be life and not me,and I made it sure enough.
I called my friends who were in the same boat as me.And together we saw the new hope that seemed so clear,which was always there but never visible.
I had found a body to my dreams.Finally I could opt for higher studies that I had been waiting for so long.
There is this wonderful way of making ourselves happy.We say all happens for a reason,all happens for good.Although we just settle down with the newer things and console ourselves.But still it is essential as it keeps us the way we are,else we would have lost long back.
All is transparent now,specklessly transparent and I am here standing in arms,arms wide spread.
I have withered one more storm.Come life I am ready with my sword.
HIT ME

One last time

Caught in a snare
Besides the cradle

Even being a rat
I writhed like a snake

Damn these humans
I knew so well
Damn their ways
which I had seen so well

my last escape had been so perfect
missing the snare by inches of neglect
I knew that I wont come back
I knew I wont let my greed attack

Oh these people
who are smart like hell
Oh my glutton
it overcame even death lull

Stupid stomach
see what you have done
Stupid brain
why din't you intervene

Bloody cheese
what makes you so wanted
Bloody cheese
what makes you enchanted

I forgot that I have a head to save
I forgot that there are things so strange
for which even the stomach should wait

But what can I do to cry for the past
I can just wait till my last breath lasts

Oh here he comes with a brick so big
In a few minutes I would be reduced to wick
I am closing my eyes with all my strength
Cause I just can't see him squashing my health

Hey whats happening
I still am safe
Hey the child is laughing
from the confines of the cradle

The man is watching at the child so pure
A smile is pouting at the man who had an evil galore

He is opening the snare for me
He is helping so that I be free

What a perfect escape
for my chance to run
I would never come back
for the greed so big

so off I go
with my saved head
so off I go
for a life so good

But hey let me just take the cheese
one last time
let me just take the cheese
one last time
--------------------------------------------------
Life is so analogus to this rat's tale.
We mostly mess up things by going the wrong ways,following vices,evils and end up at the wrong place.
But life gives us chances to come out of everything,to start afresh.
But as Captain Patch says:
"Habit is the second nature of man.
A dew rain drops,a few intimidations are enough for us to fall back and give in to those vices."
But thats where the test comes,to stay away from that enchanted block of cheese,to stay away from listening to the stomach.
Although sounds right and logical but as Max payne says:
"Logic IS the biggest liar".
I couldn't agree to him more.
So might be one last time....

Written for 3ww.The words being:Cradle,Perfect,Snare

~Harsha

Dilemma

Sitting at the tip of my bed I couldn't do much rather than hearing to the perennenial onslaught of the daylong drizzle that had been reverbrating through the day.

Watching the rain drip through the windows, I turned back.

Turned back to be caught in her hypnotic gaze.A split second and I felt as if I was lost in her.

With riots playing havoc outside when she knocked at my door for safety I couldn't say no.

Now as we both were stranded in my house,I wasn't able to say much.

Wasn't able to quiet understand when the world was sulking over stupid matters of religious orthodoxy how could I be lost in a complete world of my own.

Finally tried to tell her what I had been feeling inside.

But no it wasn't the right time,as she was vulnerable today.The horrifying scenes of people trying to rape her were stilll fresh from yesterday.

I would surely say what I had kept inside me for years,but maybe someday when she would be angst free,free to laugh, free to follow her heart.

Someday when she would be in her full strength to contemplate rather than to hear with fear.

Till then I would just take care of her.

Written for 3ww -Drip,Hypnotic,Sulk

~Harsha

Love I will,yes I will

This weeks 3ww being
Cryptic
malign
Flash

Of all the languages love is the most cryptic of all,coz I too am never able to understand my own heart.
I say so because I have fallen in love a number of times.
I too have felt betrayed a thousand times.
When,I fell,I felt lost,stabbed,kicked.
Felt broken..
And thought would never love again,even when SHE left me.
Felt that although she doesn't love me but I still do.
And even thinking about anyone else wud be an offense.
Felt that wud never love any1 else,wud never malign my heart...

Thought and thought...And then there was one flash...
And she was there.
She showed me care,like no one ever did.
She admired me,she caressed me,she stood by me,she believed in me.
She made me believe in myself.
She made me feel loved.
And then I loved,loved like I never had before.
Was pure,pious.

Now,I know a fall in the way doesn't mean the end of the road.
A fail in a day doesnt mean the end of the life.
What all I know is that I will be true,true to my soul,till I can be.
Rest is in her hands.Rest as they say is in her hands.
So,just keep loving and keep living.
The one who would love you would always be good than the one who left you.
Thats life and that's love.

~Harsha

Love you Sweetheart

This weeks 3ww being

Opportunity
Quarrel
Service

Darling,
Although our service is at the same place,but I know that transfer of anyone of us is imminent.
I know we love each other but our quarrels are eating a substantial part of our loving.
Today I just missed the opportunity of sitting in the same bus as yours coz I was late...
And while sitting alone two drops of tears have rolled by,and I have known darling that what you are to me.What would happen,one day,if you really have to live in a different city...

Love you Sweetheart
Yours
Harsha


Opportunity -my last
Love - the only service
Quarrel - love 's realization

I want to kill my daughter

Don’t call it a deceit
No please no
Don’t call it a deceit
Call it my helplessness
Call it my fear
Call it my cowardice
But dear
Don’t call it a deceit

I too have shed tears
I too have undergone fears
I know darling what happens when pain sears
I know darling when hope tears

I too am the way like you WOULD be
I too am the way like you COULD be

Born to a household of six girls already
With one baby brother known as the king ready

Cursed I was,hit I was
even when
I neither knew the pain nor disdain
Bruised I was,pained I was
even then
I had to live with the scars within

Two square meals with burned bread and watery gravy
Seemed to me as my so called magnamimous luxury
Yes,to indulge in a play,Was a month of spanking
To indulge in brother’s toys,Was the whole family’s cursing
I too learned my way to live life happy
to keep my mouth shut and eat what was crappy
Brothers touched me,uncles molested me
Grandma hated me,aunts despised me
To indulge in me was everyone's desire
But what happened to me was not at all dire

Darling I was married for loads of heavy dowry
Darling I was married for your father's whole family
FATHER
I dont know whom to call your father
Is it my husband or his so called father

And now I am told you are about to come
And now I am told my fairy will breath in scum

But my princess there is an oath I have
Oath to love and oath to live
Oath to save my fairy from the same

I thought so hard to run from here
I tried so hard to take you there
Where you would be a princess
and eat whole food
Where you would be a princess
and play good games
But darling I was caught and beat to death
But darling even then I fought with all my strength

But dear I am sorry
I couldn't keep my oath
But oath I would keep
To save you from their keep
Princess you have to go
But dont be afraid
I will save you from a life.....for a better life
I will take your life.....to give you a better life

You know am crying
You know I am sorry
But yes I am happy
Don’t call it a deceit
No please no
Don’t call it a deceit

This weeks 3ww being-Deceit,Indulge,Oath

And also in response to a wonderful photo on

every photo tells a story

~HARSHA

SAGA of an “INTENSE” lover

Again one more outing for 3ww.
The words are
CRUSH
KNACK
VARIED
Tried my hand at humour



hey here she comes
Hold your breath man
see the way she turns

hey here she smiles
Stop your work man
look at the way she blinks

hey those eyes
ask me would you kill me
or should I die

I saw you by the road
felt like a new abode

Wanted to marry you right there then
Wanted to call you love's lost incarnation

People said foolish man
You seem to have lost your marbles
She is just a crush that you fathom
Like for every other girl who seems a bit glam

but I said NO
said,Foolish you go
Or will call you a crow
Coz I love her
and thats one thing I know

Made plans to amaze her
threw surreptitious glances and waved her
She seemed to look away
might it be that yes was something she had to say


Made plans to amuse her
cracked japes to bring her laughter
She tried to act as if I was a joker and dint stay
might it be that she felt love was the only way

I knew I had the knack
I knew she won't turn her back
Although her mind seemed varied
I believed one day I would have her tarried

Wore a good dress with flowers in my hand
the suit that I wore complemented her wonderful arm band
In all my mind and a poetic stand
recited a couplet and asked her hand

Hand she gave but not in my hand
A slap so hard made my cheek dark red
Oops I said and walked past hard

Crushed was my heart and
Crushed was my love
There WAS my crush
who left me in a crush

Knack I thought
which I have had
but after this bout
only the pain varied

Sad I was
and sat by the road
Sad I was
and thought not to find abode

But,hey who is on the road
with the wonderful eyes
But,hey who is on the road
with that wonderful smile

Knack is there but needs to be polished
Crush is there who seems so varied
Love will stand where the crush is standing
Hey you beauty wait I am coming


HARSHA

KNACK of surviving a VARIED CRUSH

This week's 3ww's words are
CRUSH
KNACK
VARIED
I tried to write an incident this time:D



Like most of the days I was late again for office seeing my regular bus zoom by.

Was already lethargically burnt out by yesterday’s depressing work.
Was more angry as I could see my crush sitting by the window,with her elegant hair flowing by,smiling at me.

Man,had a wonderful chance of sitting next to her but now she is gone.Damn,the bus.
All other buses would be now completely full as it would be office time.Damn,the distance.
Today was also the bloody deadline of my project, the knack of which was so varied, seeing which, even Einstein would scratch his head.
Awww,why did I choose this job far away from home eating daily this bullshit crap that others call a delicacy.

S**t,what an irritating day it was going to be.
And over all this,the burning heat that made me feel like standing in an inferno.

After a long hiatus a bus came,I too crushed myself in,with the standing crush and they as if ready to crush me.
With sweat taking a toll on my clothes,and varied footfalls that made a covering on my eloquently polished shoes,I must surely say that yes, I was not at all happy.

And then the bus came to a screeching halt at a stop.

And there entered a man,literally trailing in the bus,seemed as if he knew the knack of going through even the toughest corners.
He came and stood next to me,smiling.

And then I noticed that he was blind,plain blind not even able to see the man standing next to him,but still smiling.

And here I was, with all my senses cozily in place but I was whining,complaining and that too by the jittery small things of life which this gentleman cant even savour.
And when I got irritated by the varied crowd running by,bored by the monotony he would be lost in this wonderful splash of colours .
When I would abuse the rock that I unknowingly hit,he won’t be even having an inkling that what danger stood in front of him.
He would be ready to give everything in return of this set of eyes which I never respected but just continued whining,abusing,shouting.
But still he even without all this,he yes he was the one who was smiling and not me.
And I was the one complaining as always.


And then the world seemed to open up in front of me,and then I understood that amid the worldly crush even without the slightest knack I could sail through the varied phase only if I was happy,only if I wished.

Yes only if I wished.


AND then I SMILED.





HARSHA

my EARNEST REACTIVE LAYER

This is in response to an interesting site
3WW(3 Word Wednesday)
,where you concoct something using 3 words
The 3 words are:
Earnest
Layer
Reactive

Earnest I was
Yes for you I was
coz
Earnestly I waited
With a baited breath
I waited

A waiting so long
Of love so strong
pious to the core
red, red enough to sore

Then the day you smiled
the day you obliged
My heart was a slave
A bird out of cage

I saw it as an earnest
of a love out of the closet
I knew no bounds
My heart doing rounds

And slowly you showed your colors
Like a snake faking vermillion flowers
You said I wasn't smart
You said I called you a tart

But how could I
When every layer of mine
was bloody yours
How could I
when every breath of mine
was only yours

And then you said no
Layer by layer you broke the bow
You shattered my layer
Of love so deep
you slaughtered my layer
with your feelings so cheap

You called me reactive
and react I did
I cried my heart
and consoled my soul

And then I saw
How sorry I was
And then I knew
Yes reactive I was
like fuel and air


How couldn't I see
Your love for adam
our institute's cynosure
How couldn't I see
Your pronounced acclaim
A thing which was for sure

Girl you should have told before
before my earnest galore
Girl you should have told before
before tearing my only layer
Girl you should have told before
before I turned reactive

Girl you should have told before
Atleast long long before
Before shattering
my EARNEST REACTIVE LAYER




HARSHA