riveting hopes

How much more affinity can I have
with  a truth that even I find hard to stare
I keep on fidgeting as my hopes fly riveting
with every news I find  a mention
Once a rumor now a lost hope
But now some more pain can only subside this tension...
---------------------------------------------------------------------
As affinity bowls me happiness makes me lie
after all this is the reason that I would try
Fidgeting body jittery mind
deep down I know I can still be kind
Father to a radical mind son to a scrambled heart
Onlooker to a fallacy
or the supreme holder of a rotten legacy
All I can mention is that
she should have been a not been
Cause that only would have been
My meanest of means...
---------------------------------------------------------------------
And as I yearn for an affinity that has created  pain
a stench,a killer feels years after his moments of mention
Rebellious disgust,drastic measures messed up
For happiness which went only dressed up

I was the only one at the funeral
A funeral  happy for this death
Cause it was just me and the funeral
Me dead and the funeral happy
 for me being dead
---------------------------------------------------------------------

just wanted to see how these 3 words address my thoughts in different directions.
Want to know how others go after their thoughts while writing poems.
The words at 3WW this week are affinity,fidget and mention

~Harsha