Wednesday, December 23, 2009


What to do when a standstill is stretched beyond boundaries.
What to feel when repetitive flogging drains the brain's carcass.
What to do when the sole point of doing something itself becomes so disturbing that the questions sometime shield you as much as they hinder you.
Feeling of not achieving things have elevated to such an extent that I am revelling in the pain of failures.
The only bouts of freshness or rather masochistic happiness has been the spasms of nothing ness.

Dreams shattered,happiness stabbed,mediocrity slumped...laughing over the ghouls of past,over those infinitesimal small glistening buds,buds of success,drops of camouflaged failures,ores of scathed skeptical wins,wins so small but made so big in the self immolating refinery that made me believe that I stand as the witness and as the proof that a man can win,no matter how small he is,or how ugly he looks or rather most importantly how foolish he is.
All my life the figments I celebrated were of a supposed day when I would achieve what i have been yearning for.
All the seconds I checked the clocks just to check the clock to find the current time just to notice my success's presence.
Yes,to say I lost once again won't do much justice,but yes to analyse it over so as to abate failure's future pretense might do some good.
But,hasn't this been an often repeated ritual in a journey that I have ceremoniously followed,religiously accepted.

The only thing worth reiterating is the fact that you don't feel the low because of a rocket science gone bad but rather because of the fork that you placed wrong.
A doomed country as the aftermath of that failed rocket might not wake you,but yes the rigid faces on your dinner table might.
Yesterday was one of such days for me.
A wait so long came to an end.
I am a happy go lucky guy.
I get things quite easily,but those that I have got were never of that octane importance as others keep feeling for me.
But yes there was this one thing and there is still this one thing that I have wanted most of my life.
I had put in real hard work but with time failed to agree that yes,I am a notch lower in my brain's make than many with whom I thought to flag the crusade.
Somewhere,in the alley's nooks my brain itself made me forget it's limitations.
To dream high is very important but to stay grounded at the same time is even more important.
I know it went wrong but where,is a question I too am still contemplating.
After a tough time the barrage of emotions had piled to a height that were just a breakeven breather.
The small nail in the coffin that ravaged me with seething desperation came again as always,uncalled but omnipresent inside me.
I sometimes question myself-am I a fool,why am I stuck in things as small as finding addresses,locating the turns that I just crossed,remembering the names of people I just met,making the same maths question wrong that I did before half an hour.
And again the same situation encumbered me.
It was a already a day of dejection.
Results of major exams that I gave were out and I wasn't selected for any 1 good.
It meant only one thing-I have to do job again for one more year,job which I find boring,which I find doesn't understand my creative wings,stifles me morbidly not because it does but because I think it does.
With a heavy racking mind went to join the Big blue.
Was weak as had been ill since the past few days.
And then after a meeting for a new project and working on some initial onboarding details,planned to leave office.
The hopelessness had seeped from my mind to my body.
Was just finding the way I came to the 1st floor.
Saw the lift but wanted to catch the staircase,but as always my incessant queer brain made me feel impossible to spot the way I came up.
And then I saw a staircase with bar shaped gate.
In my previous company pressing the bar opened the gate and led me through the passage.
Thought same and pressed the bar,but here in IBM this was meant to be an emergency exit.
The moment I pressed the bar an alarm started resonating.
In a matter of seconds 10-20 people came rushing.Amidst the chaos a voice shot -"He is the one."
Questions were shot and all asked me why din't I just catch the same stairs by which I came.
The only answer that I mumbled was that I forgot the path.
With their horrified amazement set in my heavy heart I moved downstairs and this was the point that made me question myself-Why am I such a big fool?
That evening I walked to my home for quite long.
Heavy heart came seeping out through perceptive organs at varied intervals.
I was not celebrating my bigger failures that happen most of the times but the smaller direction disorientations that happen all the time.
Yesterday was one of the days when I felt quite low.
But I have reprimanded it today with a cheerful smile.

I am trying to re see things,re animate my mind,re correct the roads etched in my mind,re read the directions that I so wrongly analyse,accept the fact that I am happy that I felt so low yesterday.

Cause a man stands only after falling.
Whether yesterday's fall was strong enough or i still need a more substantial fall,the question is why wait,when the answer questions me to just run :)


With 3ww 
image source-visit the link to see artist's(12*7) creative work

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


"Cyclone 'phyan' about to hit Mumbai."

Scrolled through the news and knew that it would surely hit my place too.
But right now the climate is pleasent.
A dark stretch of clouds has gobbled up the city.
I know deep down that I have never ever woke up to find such a lovely morning.

The hues are blurred and so is the mind.

From what my eye can see the whole horizon is painted with the quick hands of an artist who is so at ease but also so at hurry.
He initially plans to have the lovely shades from his glistening pastel colors.
But with quick strokes he makes it all look a bit of color stroked thru a camelhair tipped brush.
Thick at the start but lighter at the end.
But somehow in middle of the act he finds it awkward and he is replacing the blue clouds with uneasy strokes of mixed black while I look at awe and more in wonder the speed of his work.
Coloring has never been my forte and hence I refrain from giving him much suggestions although I prefer lesser delusions than myriad mixtures.
While he works I am chuckling at the wonderful wind blowing right through my hair.
Now how many times does it happen that on such a wonderful morn you are holding a superb cup of tea on the balcony of a 10th floor and that too completly immersed in nature.
I think and rethink that how on earth can climate be so wonderful.
Slowly it starts to rain.Its more of a drizzle.The aroma of raindrops combined with sand give me the most refreshing feeling ever.
I also understand know that why such season is the perfect time for copulation(pretty coarse:P).
Just to have a quick world view I come inside wade through my mails my study material and the numerous social sites and networks.
I switch on the TV for an instant:"Cyclone 'Phyan' wind's clocked at 90 km/hr and the winds are estimated to grow."
I switchoff the idiot box and enjoy the tremendous gush of wind pressing itself through the windows literally threatning to break the house.
Bah,social networking.Studies,humbug.
Just watching the best forms of nature playing the seduction dance.
I can myself feel the mystic intimacy of the winds and clouds right out of my window.
I very well know they wont approve me of watching them in their act and that too so deeply engrossed.
I want to take my eyes off but more the forbidden a thing is more beautiful it becomes.
I was still thinking was it a voyeurism I was enjoying or is it the wonderful nature.

And suddenly a fluttering pigeon almost misses my windw.
It somehow finds a hold and rests on my window sil.
With wings tattered and an expression that it has gone through hell doesn't bring any more happiness to my life.
I wait with my stifled breath cause I know even a single movement of mine would frighten the poor creature and its miniscule seconds of relief too would be eaten.
Suddenly,I see my friend enter the room.And before I can stop him the poor bird sensing danger flies away.
I can do nothing except see it fly into winds flowing with a rage of 90 km/hr.
I can see it going back to a place which was once its nest its home.
A place few hours back from where it left its kids to bring back food to feed the wide mouths.
Still knowing that death might strike it cause they do not need a meterological survey to tell them that a cyclone is about to hit.
But to feed its baby birds it goes into the wild daring 'Phyan' itself.
And I know if it goes back it would find its kids crushed under a tree and if not crushed then dead because of squeaking helplessly on the ground with water drowning them.
And all of this If it goes back at all..........
The climate which seemed so beautiful to me has such a monstrous side that I never ever could notice.
The fun,the pleasent weather that I was enjoying was the cause of floods at other's place.
The copulation that I was enjoying was destroying habitats,killing families,devouring lives.
How could I be so engrossed in my pleasures that I could never see the gory details etched otherwise.

Sadly,one last time I switch on the TV:
"Cyclone 'Phyan's course diverted from Mumbai,now heading towards Gujarat".

Does it matter anymore....


Friday, November 13, 2009

Should I stop asking...

How much more pain would we succumb to hear the first voice of glory.

When to end is more important than to keep continuing.
This is one important thing that I have not known till now.

A blotch in a relationship can be overlooked or rather let the whole relationship be a blotch.

When the evasive dreams should be evaded to see them convert into reality.

Dark hues are a part and parcel of the life or they are just colors of one mind.

How dirty is really dirty.

Can a lie today be said to abstain from saying a bigger lie tommorow.

Can sex be considered god.Is sex before marriage right.

When would we stop being religious fools.

When would people stop infanticide.

When would the pedophiles rest.

When would we not throw rubble on another person because of how we see him than what he is.

When would I wake up and feel-Yes,this was something that I had waited for my whole life.

When would I stop being in a self dilemma when I refuse to give alms to beggers but later help them at an NGO.

When would I feel balanced.

When would I be able to give back to society what I have got and does that include the negativity too.

When would I be able to make my parents proud.

When would I stop asking questions...

P.S:Not putting a question mark may be grammatically incorrect but putting one would have been morally wrong.


Thursday, November 12, 2009

where is the flow dude

Inactivity is the crux of idleness or rather they are cyclic.
On a day when I can type a thousand mails have a hundred words and swear million swears,not writing doesnt sound right.
I should and must write cause it is something that gives me pleasure.
I don't want to sound utilitarian but still pleasure to mind is rather what keeps our mind healthy.
Wishing to be a great writer doesnt mean just seeing the great writer in you.
It also means bringing him out.
So, I must at least pen down at times or the passion myt be burnt somewhere.(Atleast that hasn't happened till now but who knows ).
One transformation I have noticed through these times of inactivity.
Initially the thing that very much  kept me writing was accolades too.
May it be in any form:-comments,followers,mentions.
I know it is sad as well as bad.
But thankfully I have passed these phases,now I stand at a place where what matters to me is freeing myself and hence thats the reason I would write from now on.
i dunno whether I wud b writing things as polished as before but yes I would be writing.
Hey m relieved and yes I am :)
PS:-And yes there are special friends whose remembering me rekindles the fire.
U knw it ryt:)


Wednesday, October 7, 2009


My land so fallow
my heart so hollow

every year I look up
to find clouds,
come which never would

and then I turn around

to see

seeds I sowed
weeds I mowed

mouths I created
hopes I shattered

I have reached my limit
with the end of my wit
I have killed my desire
pushing my life to prespire

But not a tinge of green
not a drop of growth
not a drop of water
not a hope of life

Cant see the pain
my only bequeath
Cant feed my family
my only owning fully

I plan to die
to kill the rent
Before that,
I plan to cry
my one last try

So,I stretch my vocals
to curse the gods

But words too now
have just gone fallow

My land so fallow
my heart so hollow
A sad state of a farmer,who even after putting all his efforts can only plan the way of his death.
He is still thinking,better to die before the natural death,considering a suicide,being free from the landlord's rents,misery.Plotting to die so that he would not have to see himself and his family dying every single day because of the lack of food and life.Or rather waiting a little more to reach his natural death slowly
 while death eats him.
Sadly,still a large part of Indian farming is at the mercy of the eccentric erratic rains.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Yes,there shall be:)

"and then at the end give us what we desire or deserved for

does he really give us that or do we belive that he has given us".

This thing has always eaten an important part of my mind.I don't believe in God.But all these years along I have been made to believe that whatever happens,happens for a reason,all happens for good.
What I have figured out is that finally we as human beings are quite jovial hopeful creatures.We tend to find happiness everywhere.So,after a long ardous struggle whatever we get we see it as too much and worthful.In short we adapt to it.Thats the naked truth.But the point is we are happy with this arrangement and it actually helps us out in these trying times.
And yes in happiness we seem as far more better beings,seemingly less irritated,less frustrated less complex.
2 things for this.
Firstly,this phase is our frustrated sad phase,we are less busy and see more of these things,these bad events,the sadness.

Might be you are true over here.

But,secondly this is the challenge.At times not so good.
Are we good!!!
I hope we all would be.
And I believe:
"There shall be showers of blessings..
this is the promise of love...."
Let's wait till then:)

In reply to a wonderful friend's thoughts in her blog collection of happiness.
We had quite a few series of bad events and some part of bad had rubbed my beautiful wonderful friend.
And then she asked,asked why all this and till when.
And this was what I said to her and have always felt.


Friday, October 2, 2009

Mahatma and me

My son while I look at you from up down here

I see you running for what you dont know
I see you fighting for what you dont want
I see you crying for what you have not lost

I too was ambitious but not like you
I too was greedy but not like you

Ambition for me was to see my people free
Greed for me was to see the poor man's glee

You too are incredible,like everyone down there
But dont be incredulous for everyone down there

Have a wish,wish a hope 
to believe the unbelievable
Have a want,want a desire 
to touch the unattainable

I remember last time we had a fight
So ugly that I still want to rant
You laughed at my says
and I objected to your ways

But now I see the point
as its clear to you
We all want a world 
with peace as in the woods

So you and me
lets sing a song
Yes you and me
lets plant a plant

A plant of humanity
A World of sanity

Lets all be together
Wish us luck
So that we,
can clean the muck

Let us all together be human
So that the next time
When I look at you from up down here
I would wish from the core of my heart
Not to call you here but to come down there...

Today being the birthday of Mahatma Gandhi,I tried to see the World from his eyes,while he addressing me for most of my questions as well as for my answers.
There is a clash of ideas that I have witnessed and tried to show but from a different viewpoint.

I always had ideological differences with his(Gandhiji's) views,views of non violence,his stand at the time of Bhagat Singh's case,when he could have fought a battle for their release,the way he treated his family,the lack of fatherly love that never ever he bestowed to his family.

Because of these the other great things that he did,the non violence,the Dandi March,Satyagraha also came in my mind's conflicting contemplation.
But deep down in my heart I know that in he lies a great human being and he would aways be respected by me for the humanity he always endrosed,cause he is the one who has shown hope not only to India but to the whole world,hope that Non Violence is more powerful than Violence.

P.S.-I donot believe in afterlife or presence of a higher being(GOD),and the fist sentence is written to show the contrasting time period and ideological change. 

Written for 3WW-Ambitious,Incredible,Ugly

This wonderful image is taken from:Mahatma Gandhi in Type by Dencii @ Deviant Art.Visit his link to see more creative stuff she does.


Sunday, September 27, 2009

wait-just wait

At times it is great to wait.

Is it so.
I was and am confused.
Sometimes things turn sour and this happens when you want them extremely sweet,when you have expected a sugar syrup dipped in Jaggery with chocolate toppings.
Love has this strange habit.
Sometimes I think why to expect at the first place and then somehow I fight with myself and agree that expectation is a vice and I conquer it.
But what to do at times when things become bad for the silliest reasons.
I always say that big fights happen for the silliest reasons coz big issues are always visible and hence worked upon.
I agree that what happened today,is actually nothing happened.
What happened was because of neither of us.
But what happened has made both of us sad.
I always believe in talking and sorting things out.
I always believe in rights and wrongs.
I filthily become judgmental at times when I am supposed to be a patient listener.
The sense of right dominates my other senses.Although I am trying to balance the act.
Actually trying to understand what needs to be understood.
I know that this is no big issue and by tonight itself you would call me.
But this period has given me time to contemplate,to see through me,in me.
I know I can't always be right and actually shouldn't be.
If it was for me,I would have called you a thousand times and would have made you see my point,cause thats my way of me.
But now that when you ask me to wait,I abide and at times during the wait am again and again bitten by my guilt-the pangs of which are so big that again and again I think that why I din't listen even if it was for the so called right in my head.
Cause for being right at least I must have listened to the storms you were witnessing.
Today's happenings are not cause of me not listening neither cause of me expecting much but something smaller than everything that we aren't able to comprehend.
So,for today....

Today I would wait-just wait.  


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

the weight of my tears


The man behind the 3ww,(the prompt for which I wait with baited breath for all seven days,where I have met the most interesting writers)Thom G lost his father the past week.
My respect and sympathies for him.
Tc Thom.

I turned back unable to control my tears.
I turned back not to let her know ever,
that even in this man there were traces,
traces scarred deep by the pangs of emotions,
portrayed by my sullen tears...

Grappled but not long enough to take my hanky out
Grappled but not long enough,not to let my tears pout

But the hanky was all thick
carrying signs of the passing time's wick
My past gloom,my past cries
My heart breaks and losses deep
All neatly cornered and beautifully creased
The hanky aged heavy unable to be creased

I searched it more
tried to hide like I always tried
in the days of yore

And then felt the drift
felt her hands in the mist
She looked straight through
And i knew it down true

Now a hanky won't be needed
and that was all that her eyes pleaded 
Yes,now a hanky won't be needed

Written for 3ww-Hanky,Thick,Drift


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I am sorry my baby

A baby shrouded in a cloth
was a body cold in growth
life unhinged happiness dark
A void so big 

could I fill it with
anything that wasnt filth

Stuck in a jaunt
A macabre of emotions
Played havoc
while I buried you
your body inches deep

How would I sleep not to find you in the morn
I wake with a daze with the LUSTER in your voice
You fade in a haze like amber in the blaze

I never knew 
death could be so strong 
I never thought 
a THREAT could go so wrong

There is only one truth and that's you are not near 
There is only one truth and that's you will never be here

The toys that I bought I have thrown them all
The cloths that I bought I have burnt them all

Time will move and grow you will
grow you will but not in your grave
but deep,deep down in my mind 

I would see you play
see you sing and see you fight

I am searching for your GLARE
from deep down there
At least just stare
for my miniscule lack of care

But all I see 
is a beautiful smile
all I see 
is something that can now never be here
Sometimes we see things so sad so melancholy we wish that this would never have happened.
A few days back I came across the unfortunate demise of a baby hardly 4 months old.


Monday, August 31, 2009


Brood,you bitch
cry you bastard
for your sins 
sins till life lasted
cause one day cause of you 
your life would be christed

you thought you could run away
run away from what you do 
run away from what you feel
Stop casting that hideous grin
Stop casting that clever gaze

I will kick your butt
and pinch your gut
while you try 
try hard to run,to fly 
but I would never stop being your ally

I will pull you from your darkest alley
to tell you
What you did
what you hid
to tell you
                                 YOU ARE GUILTY                                       

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Ram's reality:Is it this what we really need to answer

Was going through Jug's article.Is Ram really for real.
He explained the Ram Setu project.
The row over the ramifications if it is interferred with.
Now, what he did there was that he took a rational view rather than a religious one,as taken by the masses over here.
I would just like to reply dear Jug and dear India with my views:

Hi Jug,

Although I wasn't able to read all the comments,but I would say is that firstly this is an excellent article.
People should try to rationalise and understand the truth rather than raising useless issues.
Many of the people here are the ones who resort to riots and stuff rather than resorting to rational thinking.Ram can be and can't be.As far as I am concerned I feel its just an epic tale.
Other people surely believe differently but this belief shouldn't come as a hindurance for such developments.One day we call a crack in the bridge as Mother Mary's divine being.
Does it mean we would stop repairing the crack?
Moreover,others must take note that Jug is not trying to poke fun at Ram and moreover he is not an anti Hindu Demon that you have made.When you people say poke fun at Allah and Jesus it shows your even heightened narrow mindedness.

After going through the comments I feel that :

"Whether Ram setu was actually built by Ram" as a question has been dwarfed by my fear that
"are we really secular"?
Keep the good work going Jug.

*P.S.-Ram is one of the most sacred deities in Hindu religion.For enlightment on the same kindly check the below links.
Ramayana-Refrence from Wikepedia
Lord Rama-Refrence from Wikepedia


Friday, August 28, 2009

Be my enemy

A rupture in trust can be mended
but a FRACTURE in deceit can never be

Saying a sorry wins back your friends
But even dying can't bring your enemies back

Dont think much before hurting a friend
But think a lot before befriending an enemy

Friends who VANISH once would knock again at their need
But an enemy lost would just be a NOISE

NOISE to deaf ears......



Monday, August 24, 2009

What is growth?

How do we rate things
is it by the achievements we have had
is it by the qualifications we have obtained
or is it by the medals we have won.......
Sadly,it is just what the other has done.
One day we might seem utterly satisfied by the results we have
but just the other day we find ourselves in a tizzy,in a whirlpool of emotional disturbances
only because your colleague or your next door neighbour has an ounce more than you.
When is this going to stop.
When realisation would stop from being comparative and be more (concentrative)/ of a private thing.
Sometimes it seems to me as if this would happen-never.
Or rather not atleast till we are alive.
But that's the whole eccentric point.
dude respect the privacy.
respect growth,your inner growth.

The limit to no limits.........

When comes the limit to no limits...............................

Have I been in a quagmire or is it that the daze has woke me up with a start.
My heart still cries while my eyes fade into tears.tears so true as if unreal.
why did it happen.where did I fail.My words depth never lied to you nor to me.Not an iota of doubt ever creeped in me.Where darling then did I go wrong,WHERE.
Wasnt I there when you needed me the most,then why you left me when I yearned,when I was weak,shattered,WHY.
My soul is sucked but thanks to you Thanks to you darling that you gave me the best time of my life.
Now you will walk away like many did,happy to have your prince charming and adding to your long list of underachievable foolish lovers.You might smile someday when you think of me,you would still talk to me like that enigma of yours still drowns me.
That doesnt happen anymore dear,goodbye,GOODBYE my lover.
Yes I waited till I could,but now its not my fault.
I waited till came the limit,the limit to no limits.....

And am so happy for the same.CAuse earlier the pedestal ended with you at the podium but now you just creep at the bottom of the altar,frail and yes am happy for it.Cause there are people worthier than you,dearer than you,who kissed me,cared for me,repected me,STOOD by me.

Thanks darling for teaching my worth,teaching your price,Move on darling like the way you helped me.
Know the limit to no limits..................................................

Sunday, July 26, 2009

The day I lost my joB

The day I lost my joB.
Feels as if it might sound sad,complex.
But the day it happened I felt as any other day cause it was something that not only me but my other 9999 colleauges had been anticipating.And I thought I wont feel bad as this happened not because I had screwed something up horribly but it was because my company's CEO had SCREWED everything.
"We all were but lambs in the flock,pebbles in the water heavy enough to have an identity but not heavy enough to stop being pushed by the river."
Somehow the initial phase got through.
Facing family,facing loved ones.facing neighbours,then the shopkeepers,then the distant relatives,the barber,the tea wallah,the landlord,the curious onlooker and finally facing myself.
But then somewhere its the toughest.
Knowing when you are all good but being in the few who got laid Off or rather FIRED.
I knew I would never feel bad or sad or torn or broken cause I knew it never was my fault.
But then the GLOOM came.It writhed,cried,shouted spread its shroud and came for me.It stuck my love first and then my friends and all those who were in this layoff wonderfully called as sabbatical.
I knew one day this would happen.One day all my loved ones,those who cared for me would be in shambles because of this situation.
But I knew I would fight all cause I had no choice of sitting and crying.There is this wonderful crux in life.You come out at your best after a head on collision.Sounds absurd but thats it.
I knew one thing that if there is anyone who would KNEEL,it would be life and not me,and I made it sure enough.
I called my friends who were in the same boat as me.And together we saw the new hope that seemed so clear,which was always there but never visible.
I had found a body to my dreams.Finally I could opt for higher studies that I had been waiting for so long.
There is this wonderful way of making ourselves happy.We say all happens for a reason,all happens for good.Although we just settle down with the newer things and console ourselves.But still it is essential as it keeps us the way we are,else we would have lost long back.
All is transparent now,specklessly transparent and I am here standing in arms,arms wide spread.
I have withered one more storm.Come life I am ready with my sword.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

One last time

Caught in a snare
Besides the cradle

Even being a rat
I writhed like a snake

Damn these humans
I knew so well
Damn their ways
which I had seen so well

my last escape had been so perfect
missing the snare by inches of neglect
I knew that I wont come back
I knew I wont let my greed attack

Oh these people
who are smart like hell
Oh my glutton
it overcame even death lull

Stupid stomach
see what you have done
Stupid brain
why din't you intervene

Bloody cheese
what makes you so wanted
Bloody cheese
what makes you enchanted

I forgot that I have a head to save
I forgot that there are things so strange
for which even the stomach should wait

But what can I do to cry for the past
I can just wait till my last breath lasts

Oh here he comes with a brick so big
In a few minutes I would be reduced to wick
I am closing my eyes with all my strength
Cause I just can't see him squashing my health

Hey whats happening
I still am safe
Hey the child is laughing
from the confines of the cradle

The man is watching at the child so pure
A smile is pouting at the man who had an evil galore

He is opening the snare for me
He is helping so that I be free

What a perfect escape
for my chance to run
I would never come back
for the greed so big

so off I go
with my saved head
so off I go
for a life so good

But hey let me just take the cheese
one last time
let me just take the cheese
one last time
Life is so analogus to this rat's tale.
We mostly mess up things by going the wrong ways,following vices,evils and end up at the wrong place.
But life gives us chances to come out of everything,to start afresh.
But as Captain Patch says:
"Habit is the second nature of man.
A dew rain drops,a few intimidations are enough for us to fall back and give in to those vices."
But thats where the test comes,to stay away from that enchanted block of cheese,to stay away from listening to the stomach.
Although sounds right and logical but as Max payne says:
"Logic IS the biggest liar".
I couldn't agree to him more.
So might be one last time....

Written for 3ww.The words being:Cradle,Perfect,Snare


Wednesday, July 15, 2009


Sitting at the tip of my bed I couldn't do much rather than hearing to the perennenial onslaught of the daylong drizzle that had been reverbrating through the day.

Watching the rain drip through the windows, I turned back.

Turned back to be caught in her hypnotic gaze.A split second and I felt as if I was lost in her.

With riots playing havoc outside when she knocked at my door for safety I couldn't say no.

Now as we both were stranded in my house,I wasn't able to say much.

Wasn't able to quiet understand when the world was sulking over stupid matters of religious orthodoxy how could I be lost in a complete world of my own.

Finally tried to tell her what I had been feeling inside.

But no it wasn't the right time,as she was vulnerable today.The horrifying scenes of people trying to rape her were stilll fresh from yesterday.

I would surely say what I had kept inside me for years,but maybe someday when she would be angst free,free to laugh, free to follow her heart.

Someday when she would be in her full strength to contemplate rather than to hear with fear.

Till then I would just take care of her.

Written for 3ww -Drip,Hypnotic,Sulk


Friday, July 3, 2009


As the world witnessed
the fall of articles
the angst of religions
the collapse of narrow mindedness

We stood together
together in pain
together in love

The pain that I had to live
for the love so sweet
The answers that I had to give
for the questions so queer

Criminal I was called
for what I liked in my bed
Rebel i was labelled
for showing the love in my head

Am I questioned only because
our sex is same
Am I questioned only because
I am a One called a GAY

Is that a crime
to yearn for my love
Is that a crime
to marry one with feelings so same

Yes I couldnt love another girl
Like you all did
Yes I couldnt cheat another person
Like many of you did
My love was pure
And I was so sure

So we waited and waited
Till people serenaded
lovers eloped and hated
But we still waited and waited

To let my family know
that my love for you is real
To let my society feel
That my feelings are not surreal

We had to fight all dear
We stood death threats
We stood years of lockup
We stood the distance
We stood all

To stand to see the new day
To stand to see the new life

Dear,now all know
that our love is real
Now all know
That its not mad to love like this
Its not an illness to kiss like this

We needn't be ashamed
We needn't be labelled hideous
Coz now all know that our love is for real
Our love is for real

This weeks 3ww being-Collapse, Sweet, Yearn

Written  keeping in view the change in Article 377 in INDIAN constitution.
Now Homosexuality is not considered as a crime as it was earlier labelled.
This one is for freedom of choice,freedom of not being booked for what you do in your bed,
freedom for not being punished for your sexual preferences.


Saturday, June 27, 2009

Do I want to be happy or sad:) :(

There are a lot many things that make you sad,
melancholy but at the same time there are thousands that make you happy wonderful

You can feel sad for a lot many things you losing a job,your break up,misery of a friend,illness,world peace,politics imbroglio,terrorism downpour,u losing ur wallet,
missing the bus,not finding the pen.........

And feeling happy too is as easy.
It can be as simple a thing as the the young kid playing,the breeze blowing the rain pouring,the family talking,your love waving..............

The key here is to catch things that make you happy and concentrate on them rather then mourning on the sad ones.

I feel wonderful by blogging tooooooooo
so here I m making myself happy again rather than choosing to mourn over my losses.

And yup joined technorati too to be more happy.A technical part;)

Saturday, June 13, 2009


A dangerous bond of
Self aroused interest
Candid smiles and chirpy frowns
Lost in you for days so long
You said U love
And I said I do

You showed me heaven
And heaven I saw
Together we entwined
We became one

A reason for my being
Came into being

But u cried and said
you had to go
I saw your face
With a restless pace
I saw you leave
But couldn’t let you go

The love and the feel
I will make it stay
Still feel your feel
Still cherish your smile
Our love will live
Yes in my womb it stands
All want it gone
But stay it will

In me you will stay
As my life at stake
As my love’s keepsake
Yes in me you will stay

Saturday, June 6, 2009

The TIME has come

Stateless expressions,logicless explanations.
These are my own ways for not writing,not talking,not shouting.
But there is something today that just wants me to write.
And that's the very same place which I left 6 months back.
For a new project,for a new opportunity for further movement.
But sometimes it feels as if we end at the same point,at square null.
I am again shot at point blank range with gargoyles of intermittent complexities.
Project is over now,company is in shambles now.
And now I see that there is some other thng that I want to follow.
Although it was damn clear,always crysal clear.
But now thw time has come to break the shackles of constraints,to break the shambles that blocked my moves.

Coz now the tym has come to a halt.
If only I clear these rigmaroles,then only I wud move.
Then only I will move.

Now,I have restructured my priorities,my goals,which always were there.
But now I have to move from where I started
from square null.....


Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Languidly she
Indulged in
Battle of hope
Ensued to
Restrain his
Atrocious ways
Turned into
Independence from

Marriage,one of the most respected institutions of our society.But what happens when this itself becomes a trauma,a pain,captivity.When the so called happiness itself becomes the cause of all worries.And then she tried,tried to fly,to live,to have a life and......

and she succeded.

I have tried to capture a wife's battle from the clutches of a devastated marriage,a torturing husband ,for her happiness,for her children,for her LIBERATION.

Acrostic Only Contest Entry

© 19/05/09 B.Sriharsha, Pune

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Love I will,yes I will

This weeks 3ww being

Of all the languages love is the most cryptic of all,coz I too am never able to understand my own heart.
I say so because I have fallen in love a number of times.
I too have felt betrayed a thousand times.
When,I fell,I felt lost,stabbed,kicked.
Felt broken..
And thought would never love again,even when SHE left me.
Felt that although she doesn't love me but I still do.
And even thinking about anyone else wud be an offense.
Felt that wud never love any1 else,wud never malign my heart...

Thought and thought...And then there was one flash...
And she was there.
She showed me care,like no one ever did.
She admired me,she caressed me,she stood by me,she believed in me.
She made me believe in myself.
She made me feel loved.
And then I loved,loved like I never had before.
Was pure,pious.

Now,I know a fall in the way doesn't mean the end of the road.
A fail in a day doesnt mean the end of the life.
What all I know is that I will be true,true to my soul,till I can be.
Rest is in her hands.Rest as they say is in her hands.
So,just keep loving and keep living.
The one who would love you would always be good than the one who left you.
Thats life and that's love.


Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Love you Sweetheart

This weeks 3ww being


Although our service is at the same place,but I know that transfer of anyone of us is imminent.
I know we love each other but our quarrels are eating a substantial part of our loving.
Today I just missed the opportunity of sitting in the same bus as yours coz I was late...
And while sitting alone two drops of tears have rolled by,and I have known darling that what you are to me.What would happen,one day,if you really have to live in a different city...

Love you Sweetheart

Opportunity -my last
Love - the only service
Quarrel - love 's realization

Monday, April 27, 2009


Captured for
Osculating in a
Nation where
Itself was a
Never used
Nativity bound to
Tenacious captivity

Written for the word CONFINEMENT
for the site

Acrostic Only

I have tried to capture the agony undergone by people stuck up in nations where free speech.equality,expression is all but a distant dream.
And how in such a country even a small gesture of love,such as kissing can lead to immense punishments such as CONFINEMENT.
My try at freedom


Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I want to kill my daughter

Don’t call it a deceit
No please no
Don’t call it a deceit
Call it my helplessness
Call it my fear
Call it my cowardice
But dear
Don’t call it a deceit

I too have shed tears
I too have undergone fears
I know darling what happens when pain sears
I know darling when hope tears

I too am the way like you WOULD be
I too am the way like you COULD be

Born to a household of six girls already
With one baby brother known as the king ready

Cursed I was,hit I was
even when
I neither knew the pain nor disdain
Bruised I was,pained I was
even then
I had to live with the scars within

Two square meals with burned bread and watery gravy
Seemed to me as my so called magnamimous luxury
Yes,to indulge in a play,Was a month of spanking
To indulge in brother’s toys,Was the whole family’s cursing
I too learned my way to live life happy
to keep my mouth shut and eat what was crappy
Brothers touched me,uncles molested me
Grandma hated me,aunts despised me
To indulge in me was everyone's desire
But what happened to me was not at all dire

Darling I was married for loads of heavy dowry
Darling I was married for your father's whole family
I dont know whom to call your father
Is it my husband or his so called father

And now I am told you are about to come
And now I am told my fairy will breath in scum

But my princess there is an oath I have
Oath to love and oath to live
Oath to save my fairy from the same

I thought so hard to run from here
I tried so hard to take you there
Where you would be a princess
and eat whole food
Where you would be a princess
and play good games
But darling I was caught and beat to death
But darling even then I fought with all my strength

But dear I am sorry
I couldn't keep my oath
But oath I would keep
To save you from their keep
Princess you have to go
But dont be afraid
I will save you from a life.....for a better life
I will take your give you a better life

You know am crying
You know I am sorry
But yes I am happy
Don’t call it a deceit
No please no
Don’t call it a deceit

This weeks 3ww being-Deceit,Indulge,Oath

And also in response to a wonderful photo on


Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Came through a wonderful site which had acrostic poetry.
the word is OPPORTUNITY.
Its a mnemonic poem.Here it goes:

Osculation was the start which
Prodded her vanity
Pulled her dignity
Ostracied her from society
Rumours floated afresh
Tart she was called
Until she saw him stalled
Not a sign of regret
Inches from her but still the same
Trying to find a new victim of rape
Yearning for a new OPPORTUNITY

Written by the word OPPORTUNITY from the site

Acrostic Only

Tried to convey the difference of treatment between a rapist and a victim.
At one side the women(victim) is looked down.
whereas the rapist roams freely.


Monday, April 20, 2009

Is this love dat seems to stay

Is this love dat seems to stay
or would you kick me out of your way
like others
like others
I have fallen down before
on my knees like a dumb man sore

i can cry and will only cry
O' please dont you even try to BE Sly

I will give you everything

I have eyes that have been crying
I have a soul thats deep down bleeding

you can see my torn down heart
waving hands in my blood stained shirt
I have called you love before
And I have been stung by love before

A lot of try and after a lot of heart
I again assauged the courage to call you my sweetheart

O' please dont make me feel like a second fiddle
O' please dont make your feelings for me chimerical
O' please dont make this relation ephemeral

I dont want it to be a frisson
Coz my love is not an abrasion

It was under your aegis
That I smiled back
It was under your aegis
That i lived life back

But now you tell me that although you love me
there are things reserved but not for me
But now you tell me that although you love me
there are feelings reserved but not for me

you have loved some one so hard I understand
Coz all have pasts that I too had

But my love for you was not a cost of the so called past
Then why you even today put him a step above making me the last

Why the loves confessions that you sang to him
end up as a melancholy refrain for me
Why the 'I love you' time and again for him
end up as a desserted echoing tunnel for me

Tell me dear did I ever put you second
Tell me dear Did I even in my dreams gave you lesser importance
Tell me dear Did you even feel that somewhere I lacked substance
Tell me dear did I ever stifle my feelings where you were concerned

There is only one thing that I can say
i can cry and will only cry

I cant come and slap you like others
I cant come and fight with you like others

I cant muddle your name
Else I too would be a cheap jerk same

I can do only thing dear
And thats cry and cry every single tear
Please dont leave me dear
Coz I can cry and only cry



My try with some eerines.A confusing question.

Allure,perch and vivid being
this week's 3WW

There has been this question that has banged my head a thousand times.

A condition so vivid and yet its allure so lively.
One that would even pull the most logical thinkers out of their perch.

Just imagine this,its 11:30 in the night.You are staying,far away from your home in a different city for the course of a job.
You are out on the roadside talking to a friend of yours on your cellphone.
And since its late,there is no one on the road.Finally after a long talk you bid adieu to your friend.
Even after putting the phone down you are still in his thoughts,contemplating about what you talked.

You know you have strolled far enough as there aint much buildings here.
You start walking back home,quickly with short spanned steps still enjoying the wonderful climate.
There is the vast highwayside road dimly lit by the moonlight and the orange tinted lampposts.And in between you can clearly listen to the spooky wind blowing by eerily as any set of buildings is a bit far away.

And suddenly by the road side you see your mom standing and calling you,hysterically,waving and calling back…


Coz of all the people this is your mom,atleast the only figure you can never ever relate to ghosts or any such things.

And you also know that in no way your mom can come here as you talked to her in the evening.She is safe and sound at your home some thousands of kms away.

Just tellme what would you do…


Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Life-The BIGGEST Flirt

This week's 3WW

The words being

Life is the biggest Flirt
Flirt she is and flirt she does

She ditches you first and then stitches your pain
She loves you first and then kicks your ass
She makes you stand and then chops your legs
She walks with you and stabs your back

Oh what a ploy it plays
Oh what a mind it has

She brings you,in your prime
And makes you,to commit a crime
A crime so grave you thought was your end
And then a day comes,when you feel you ain’t dead

You brave the dead,your so called end
You are the one now whom others dread

Stunning is the win and stunning is the glory
Stunning is her look and stunning is the story

You are happy now and jump with joy
while she Executes her plan with a stunning aplomb
And then you realise there is no land ahoy
You writhe in pain and wriggle so hard
But all she says is to try,and try real hard

you keep on cursing
and keep on pursing

But have you ever seen

How far you have come
from being called a fool

How far you have come
from stopping others rule

How much you have learnt
the life's lessons by heart

Stunning was the ploy
that made you learn
Stunning was the ploy
that made you yearn

And all has happened coz life is a flirt
And all has happened coz life is a flirt


Sunday, April 5, 2009


A wonderful painting by
James Parker
pulled me to write this on
Every Photo tells a story

You would want to
Feed me when I am hungry
You would want to
Feed me when i CRY
You would want to
Feed me when I am sad and wry

But feed me only when
When I do not have the power to fly
feed me only when
When I am not worthy enough to try
feed me only when
When my wings are shrivelled and pain is my only ally

Coz if you feed me taking pity
if you feed me showing sympathy
if you feed me coz you love me like a deity

Then you are NOT feeding me but POISONING me

Coz quenching my hunger now
would fuel my glutton later
Coz stopping my crying now
would trigger my nagging later
Coz abating my sadness now
would quill my irritation later

Let me try
and let me fly
Let me stand
and let me run

And If I fail
I know you are there
And if I fall
I know you are there

Feed me then
and show me care
Feed me then
Coz I know den you are there
Coz I know den you are there


Thursday, April 2, 2009

SAGA of an “INTENSE” lover

Again one more outing for 3ww.
The words are
Tried my hand at humour

hey here she comes
Hold your breath man
see the way she turns

hey here she smiles
Stop your work man
look at the way she blinks

hey those eyes
ask me would you kill me
or should I die

I saw you by the road
felt like a new abode

Wanted to marry you right there then
Wanted to call you love's lost incarnation

People said foolish man
You seem to have lost your marbles
She is just a crush that you fathom
Like for every other girl who seems a bit glam

but I said NO
said,Foolish you go
Or will call you a crow
Coz I love her
and thats one thing I know

Made plans to amaze her
threw surreptitious glances and waved her
She seemed to look away
might it be that yes was something she had to say

Made plans to amuse her
cracked japes to bring her laughter
She tried to act as if I was a joker and dint stay
might it be that she felt love was the only way

I knew I had the knack
I knew she won't turn her back
Although her mind seemed varied
I believed one day I would have her tarried

Wore a good dress with flowers in my hand
the suit that I wore complemented her wonderful arm band
In all my mind and a poetic stand
recited a couplet and asked her hand

Hand she gave but not in my hand
A slap so hard made my cheek dark red
Oops I said and walked past hard

Crushed was my heart and
Crushed was my love
There WAS my crush
who left me in a crush

Knack I thought
which I have had
but after this bout
only the pain varied

Sad I was
and sat by the road
Sad I was
and thought not to find abode

But,hey who is on the road
with the wonderful eyes
But,hey who is on the road
with that wonderful smile

Knack is there but needs to be polished
Crush is there who seems so varied
Love will stand where the crush is standing
Hey you beauty wait I am coming


Wednesday, April 1, 2009

KNACK of surviving a VARIED CRUSH

This week's 3ww's words are
I tried to write an incident this time:D

Like most of the days I was late again for office seeing my regular bus zoom by.

Was already lethargically burnt out by yesterday’s depressing work.
Was more angry as I could see my crush sitting by the window,with her elegant hair flowing by,smiling at me.

Man,had a wonderful chance of sitting next to her but now she is gone.Damn,the bus.
All other buses would be now completely full as it would be office time.Damn,the distance.
Today was also the bloody deadline of my project, the knack of which was so varied, seeing which, even Einstein would scratch his head.
Awww,why did I choose this job far away from home eating daily this bullshit crap that others call a delicacy.

S**t,what an irritating day it was going to be.
And over all this,the burning heat that made me feel like standing in an inferno.

After a long hiatus a bus came,I too crushed myself in,with the standing crush and they as if ready to crush me.
With sweat taking a toll on my clothes,and varied footfalls that made a covering on my eloquently polished shoes,I must surely say that yes, I was not at all happy.

And then the bus came to a screeching halt at a stop.

And there entered a man,literally trailing in the bus,seemed as if he knew the knack of going through even the toughest corners.
He came and stood next to me,smiling.

And then I noticed that he was blind,plain blind not even able to see the man standing next to him,but still smiling.

And here I was, with all my senses cozily in place but I was whining,complaining and that too by the jittery small things of life which this gentleman cant even savour.
And when I got irritated by the varied crowd running by,bored by the monotony he would be lost in this wonderful splash of colours .
When I would abuse the rock that I unknowingly hit,he won’t be even having an inkling that what danger stood in front of him.
He would be ready to give everything in return of this set of eyes which I never respected but just continued whining,abusing,shouting.
But still he even without all this,he yes he was the one who was smiling and not me.
And I was the one complaining as always.

And then the world seemed to open up in front of me,and then I understood that amid the worldly crush even without the slightest knack I could sail through the varied phase only if I was happy,only if I wished.

Yes only if I wished.



Tuesday, March 31, 2009

In the mind of a dyslexic

Inspired by the movie:Taarein Zameen Par,which showed us through the mind of a dyslexia afeected child,his pain.......

And hence,
In the mind of a dyslexic

Hey why you laugh and why you jeer
coz I too try and dats i swear

Hey is it 'this' or is it 'shit'
how do I differentiate between a 9(nine) or a 6(six)

The words ummm
they seem like drops of dew
numbers hmmmmm
they make me visit the blues

Is it really so hard,is all I wonder
When Tom stands 1st
and Ramu steals the thunder

Mam dont use the cane
OUCH it hurts and pains my vein
Mam dont throw me out
PLEEEASE coz I am short of a shout

Mom I try so hard
Dad I am not a retard
I study all day but cant put it right
I have stooped to play guessing its the only way

Mom I have some problem
Please see to it
Dad I am not a problem
please try to know it

Hey why you laugh and why you jeer
coz I too try and dats i swear




The world is a stage

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