Friday, September 9, 2011

Investment analysis-A panacea to my woes

Long nights make me happy.
Shorter days make me even more happier.
But today's day had been long,maybe too long.
I just remembered that again cause I saw Anirudh deeply camped in Pratik's room and studying, also for a CFA course at this time of the long night.Pratik was shamelessly copying the eternal QM presentation or washe doing.Well,I found it better not to question them and left back for my room.

Yes,the day was long.
It could have reasoned and waned out like any other small day but then there was THE investment class.
Extremely thought provoking,grossly enriching........should have been the words I yearn to attach with this class.
Well, without doubts it surely was considering the extra miles the prof has been walking,waking and coaxing us to move out or move in.Actually,I don't really remember now after his numerous -"You not interested,pre reads exist,go wash your face" lines.
One thing that happened good was the social networking I did.It has really been years after I really messaged someone.And when I realised this in the midst of the class, I also realised that the whole list in my phone's contacts has never been touched since I have joined this MBA class.It is only my girlfriend and me who exchange messages.
So,with this newly found renaissance I set on a mission.
A mission to send personalised messages to all of them.During the process I also realised that many numbers had become extinct now and many of my friends would have been feeling as if their prehistoric friend has finally arisen to text them.
Oh,yes and the class was still going.Infact he is one of the best profs I would come across.
Still I managed this because 3 terms teach you how to text like hell and at the same time maintain einstein's unflinching interested expression.

After finishing major texting I realised that there was still time left.The class had not devoured the stipulated 3 hour 15 minutes assigned to it.
I once again stood like the mindless numb staring at people asking brilliant questions and the prof entertaining with the most stimulating insights which later zombified into breath taking(pun intended) discussions.
Somebody not agreeing at all.Of late I have been seeing in all choice based questions in a show of hands a clear demarcation of yes and no.2 for yes,7 for no and the remaining 130 poor creatures who could not decide what conspiracy the world is upto and hence not able to raise hands in either of the choices.
But the flavour of the season had been-None of the above which explained why without knowing a single word ,sometimes I reigned supreme,in my eyes atleast.
Today was no different.
Then don't know why,looking at the enthusiasm I felt bad,bad at me wasting myself.
Straddled in one of the most prestigious and costliest courses India could give and still wasting my time in mindless messaging.
What would be my upgraded version when I leave this place after one year.
I clearly was not studying but also not feeling bad,infact not feeling anything regarding this.
Might be because some people have put in my mind that all this would never be asked,some have told that placements don't even ask for your marks,some have driven down the fact that whatever you do in your life you would only get an IT job.
And hence no studies.
But then this has happened earlier.
Before my CAT days,I had stopped believing that I could do something,that time the reasons were different in themselves but still the same as of now.
It din't take me much time that the competition giving cat had either been from the best schools,best engineering colleges,were into jobs or had magnificent extra currics which meant state level wins.
I was in a school which itself was decent in the city but my marks discounted me from any merit I could associate with that association.Infact I wonder whether the school has blacklisted me from their alumni list after the dizzying bottoms I had brought their disciplined academic records to by my on the border marks in Phy Chem and maths.
College was so reputed that even the grocery store owner next to our college would never know about it.
Job-I was unaware of such terms.
But I hoped to qualify directly into IIMs.
With much hope I cracked the cat my first attempt with a marvelous score.
Actually it took me few days to tell myself that a score of 29 percentile is marvelous only from the last and even a school going boy would get more if he doesn't mark a single answer.
That day had been the same.
But then I saw a dream,for myself,which clearly ordered me and begged me to atleast have a dream, a dream only to satiate myself.It told me that no matter what the circumstances be atleast be true to yourself.
I again gave CAT.Yes,it took me four attemps wherein the 29 tutned to 58,58 to 85,85 to 91 and finally 91 to 97.8 percentile.Yes,it is not a big deal and I agree but for some one who had got a 33 in maths in 12th CBSE board this atleast appeared satisfactorily amazing.
And all happened cause I made myself beleive in myself.
It was that one dream one day.

Just that hope is missing somewhere.
And then the class again resumed with someone else caught sleeping.
The mental image needs to be built again.
Murmuring again took over the class.
And I need to believe that I can fit the picture that I am about to draw for myself.
We were given the choice to leave the class if we wanted.
A picture which would again show me  a dream.

Neither me left nor the dream.


P.S.-The author humbly agrees that this is not a gimmick to show off his only achievement in life although which has not been much and that is his cat score,so the above text should not be used against him.

P.P.S.-The author is an asshole and it is late in the night.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


There is a thin tipping point on when,what and how much to write.
Sometimes I write and sometime writing makes me write.
Off late no one of us has been compelling enough to elucidate an enunciation.
Me and my artist are at the ends of a tug of war.Same goes when I am in deep conversation with my love.
What is there that makes me less of the mortal I am.I still think and still observe.
Have these been my decisions or would these be my imperative moves that I am going to take in the years to come.
What I am good at comes not from the fact of what I am really good at.It is what I negotiate with my mind of what I am good at.
Writing is the only thing that comes naturally to me but even then this muse could never be a vice.
This has made me stand up and think that what IT is that stops me from taking the plunge,the leap of faith.
Where does my heart lie really.

There should be something really concrete that is compelling me to ask myself at 4:21 am in the morning with a mid term exam the next day-What is it?
Well,to set the record straight-I am initiative and am here to seek answers to the unquestioned answers.
I ask myself that why have I not let my initiative switch roles with myself.
Why don't I ever see myself being carried away by my initiative side.

What is it that stops me.
But then what is it that kicks me.

Initiative is not what I can show at my work place and be content with.It is a damning person.
Would I continuously let myself erode or would I stay.
Sometimes I feel to let go off things.Like a battle lost,like a noose tightened,like stopping to struggle just before death.
Reason is I expect an excruciating too much.

Initiative not shown at the football ground,fear of leading from the front.
Initiative of not asking a question in the class.fear of standing alone.
Initiative of not hitting peopele when things turned bad.Fear of losing people.
Initiative of not applying to that competition which I was good at.
Initiative of not standing on the chair when others were at oratorical eloquence.

Well,I agree that it is not fear always.Many a times it also has been the feeling of content.Of times when I saw that I could do better but still let go.
Even then initiative has to play the cast,take a lead and applaud itself.
An even bigger question or maybe an answer would be plain sloth.
Just that tipping point.
Just the next step.


A day again behemoths asI keep typing.
Words have come but has the meaning really been achieved.
A potential distrust,a macabre happening what tomorrow has in for me.

But that is basically what I am arguing upon.
It is not what tomorrow has for me.
It is what I have for tomorrow.


This week's 3WW being erode,heart and observe.



The world is a stage

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