moment of truth

Image Courtsey-The_Rooftop_Confrontation_by_Zinfer

Do you really know how it feels all the time.
Why am I so much at odds with myself. I know the truth that others don't know...about me.

I am a big time coward.

It won't be even noticed by others,I either play this game with extreme perfection or my so called luck has been so exorbitantly placed that the slickness makes people believe that I am a confidence powerhouse.But even then I should get caught.It is difficult to be admired at times.
Sometimes I believe the sooner the better.
The way I operate is nothing but my self handicap mechanism.
 I talk a lot about new opportunities, taking part in initiatives,portraying myself,doing discussions but just when the point comes I think I turn cold.
Cold like a frozen fish,not stale but even then lifeless.
After that whatever I do, dubiously push me into havens I don't want to tread.
Piece by piece I peel myself but still no one sees it.

Till when is the question.
Bigger questions still stand.Some of them are sad revelations.There was a time when I had the gift of gab driven  by a strong persuasive force.Those were the times when I could make you agree on anything with my powerful points.Of late the debater in me has taken a run for his life.I now start but the moment point trickle I take a stand.

The stand now being- not to think neither to argue.
I will take everything you give.Now I don't debate.Only the gift of gab remains.
Aimless,directionless,speechless.

It is as if these thoughts have no base.There is no thought process to follow.

This whole introspection was there always but it has been staring at my face since yesterday.
Yesterday I met Samir after ages.Samir my would be co author if ever we write something.

We both were discussing and shooting down ideas for a book which someday we would produce.I was explaining him why certain things won't work compared to the different genres present.

He told me one thing-That I (Harsha) was a guy who gets easily influenced by others always.

The discussion is still there but this thought kept on lingering.
I have been looking back on these issue since then again and again.
Questions are hard to answer.It actually matters from which side of the table I am looking at.

But,then the view remains the same.

This week's 3ww being admire,follow,piece
~Harsha

the thin line

Image credit:Mindsurfing on a thin line... by ~dominododo

Have I forgotten the thin line.
The thin line's flailing omnipresence,
The thin line's meteoric rise,
The thin line's benign malice,
How can I ignore the conquest i had over that thin line.

Before we all slumber out over this issue I believe it is an important to reveal what "the thin line"is .

I call the thin line as the transition line.The border that contains borders.
It is not too big for anything neither too small.

Sounds melancholic yet pensive.

Let me put it this way. Eons ago I realized one thing.
It is always not needed to pretend.
It is always not needed to press your self for things you want to morph into.
It is all in the mind and once you achieve that supreme mind morph things would be easy.

Have you ever tried swimming.
How insanely difficult it has been.I for one never understood the way it worked.
Keep your head over the water, take a deep breath, move your hands in unison with your body.
By the time it ended my whole body just pained,until one day when I was just drifting with the flow.

No efforts needed, no muscle twitched all just plain pleasure.
That was exactly the day when I crossed the thin line.

After many days this thin line surfaced again just because I was looking at the pics of some healthy guy,healthier and at par with me.
There was no struggle to conceal the plumpness, no pain,no disdain just pure acceptance and I believe now he was looking at his best.The best he could have looked in ages.
The best he could ever give.

Why,only because he was not struggling anymore.
He was not gnawing himself anymore,it was like as if he was swimming without the effort to swim.

And one day when we all realize the thin line and work in ways such that the thin line doesn't matter to us,the day when pretense is being knocked by omnipresence.
That day I promise the deliveries would be smooth,you yourself would be less hostile to your OWN self.
And that day whatever steps we take towards achieving that perfection,maybe that desired body,that coveted job,that deep profile anything would be possible.


~Harsha