moment of truth

Image Courtsey-The_Rooftop_Confrontation_by_Zinfer

Do you really know how it feels all the time.
Why am I so much at odds with myself. I know the truth that others don't know...about me.

I am a big time coward.

It won't be even noticed by others,I either play this game with extreme perfection or my so called luck has been so exorbitantly placed that the slickness makes people believe that I am a confidence powerhouse.But even then I should get caught.It is difficult to be admired at times.
Sometimes I believe the sooner the better.
The way I operate is nothing but my self handicap mechanism.
 I talk a lot about new opportunities, taking part in initiatives,portraying myself,doing discussions but just when the point comes I think I turn cold.
Cold like a frozen fish,not stale but even then lifeless.
After that whatever I do, dubiously push me into havens I don't want to tread.
Piece by piece I peel myself but still no one sees it.

Till when is the question.
Bigger questions still stand.Some of them are sad revelations.There was a time when I had the gift of gab driven  by a strong persuasive force.Those were the times when I could make you agree on anything with my powerful points.Of late the debater in me has taken a run for his life.I now start but the moment point trickle I take a stand.

The stand now being- not to think neither to argue.
I will take everything you give.Now I don't debate.Only the gift of gab remains.
Aimless,directionless,speechless.

It is as if these thoughts have no base.There is no thought process to follow.

This whole introspection was there always but it has been staring at my face since yesterday.
Yesterday I met Samir after ages.Samir my would be co author if ever we write something.

We both were discussing and shooting down ideas for a book which someday we would produce.I was explaining him why certain things won't work compared to the different genres present.

He told me one thing-That I (Harsha) was a guy who gets easily influenced by others always.

The discussion is still there but this thought kept on lingering.
I have been looking back on these issue since then again and again.
Questions are hard to answer.It actually matters from which side of the table I am looking at.

But,then the view remains the same.

This week's 3ww being admire,follow,piece
~Harsha